I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
