He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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