i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
