i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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