I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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