We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
