I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
