So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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