i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I could make wine with my vomit
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
