:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
