i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
