She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
