1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
