Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
