I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
