I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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