At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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