so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
