My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
