even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
