omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
