I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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