My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
