So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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