I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
