it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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