OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
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