i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I got inside last night via doggy door
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
