ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
