No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
