I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
