didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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