Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
