honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
