This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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