Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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