i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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