hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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