so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
