Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
