i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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