Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
