After last night, I could never be a politician.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
