there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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