Where is the hickey?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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