I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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