her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
