The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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