I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
