Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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