I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
