I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
