Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
