I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
