Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
