your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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