She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
