Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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