Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
